Kenneth Wiliams - He wernt half a larrff wurnt he!

All is quiet on Downing Street as the Blairs and Browns are up in Manchester for the conference, so much spin one local journalist thought the National Association of Tumble Drier Manuacturers were having their annual Jaunt.

The nights are drawing in and soon full blown Autumn will have descended upon the fair hills and valleys of our isle. (Heres one for you, find a new labour speech where they use the term Island when refering to Britain, i dont think they ever have - fascinating).

Anyway I was using my ghostly powers to switch the channels on the TV in the cabinet room and who should appear - Kenneth Williams on an old Audience with. He was a classic English Eccentric and was very amusing! He had a great comic ability and was brilliant at storytelling, watching it makes you realise how a certain type of Briton is dying out.......

I did not have sexual relations with that woman!

said Clinton a few years ago, so on his trip who might he pull at "Conference".

Odds

New Labour PR Intern 10/12 Hot favourite
Caroline Flint 5/4
Cherie Blair 7/1
Hazel Blears 30/1
Margaret Beckett 50/1
Gwyneth Dunwoody 250/1 rank outsider

Talk to the hall cause the country aint listening!

Just look at the top comments relating to the Labour conference on the BBC site! The Labour party must be living in a parrallel universe!


Added: Sunday, 24 September, 2006, 10:35 GMT 11:35 UK

"The Conservatives broke it, NOT OUR FAULT, just give us a few more years and we will make it shiny and great"

"You may think immigration is out of control, but Prescott has made me a pie chart using different colour crayons, and look, it shows that we imagined only twelve people moved here last year. And statistics are truth. Besides, the Conservatives broke it, NOT..."

"The NHS is in its best shape ever! We're just closing hospitals departments down for fun! Ignore the doctors and nurses, they're CRAZY! Pc legislation forces us to employ crazys. Besides, the Conservatives br..."

Louise McGettrick, Canterbury

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Added: Sunday, 24 September, 2006, 11:14 GMT 12:14 UK

New Labour - Old Lies - 'nuff said!!

william fletcher

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Added: Sunday, 24 September, 2006, 10:20 GMT 11:20 UK

Let's not beat about the bush .... Labour Ministers do ONE thing well and that is LIE.

Andrew Robertson, Dundee

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Added: Sunday, 24 September, 2006, 15:01 GMT 16:01 UK

I doubt he'll say "sorry". That would be nice.

"Sorry" for the illegal war. "Sorry" for making the world a more unsafe place to be. "Sorry" for breaking the NHS even further. "Sorry" for falling standards in Education. "Sorry" for making the average Englishman feel like a second class citizen in his own country. "Sorry" for completely wrecking immigration policy. "Sorry" for being Bush's poodle. "Sorry" for dismantling our Police. "Sorry" for making it attractive to be a criminal. "Sorry" for taxing middle England out of existence. "Sorry" for giving handouts to spongers.

Just sorry.

Dave Price, Leeds, United Kingdom

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Added: Sunday, 24 September, 2006, 11:09 GMT 12:09 UK

If Tony Blair is so good for the country why do we have pensioners, children and others living in poverty according to the governments own standards?

Why if he is so good at fighting the terrorist threat are we paying £5m to protect him and his cronies? - His attitude is let them bomb the man in the street as long as he is protected.

Our soldiers fighting without the proper support - money to protect themselves but not for the over stretched military.

One could go on - when will the British public get wise and get rid of lying Blair and his cronies

bernie kaighin, peel

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Added: Sunday, 24 September, 2006, 10:27 GMT 11:27 UK

The Labour Party Conference: a place where liars can hone their skills. A place where people with no dignity, no shame, no remorse, can applaud a war criminal. A place where people rabidly and slavishly back Tony Blair just to stay on their gravy train.

How many Brown noses will we see by the end of the week? Pun intended!

Wu Shu

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Added: Sunday, 24 September, 2006, 09:37 GMT 10:37 UK

Oh my goodness, could any of us care less? A bunch of lying politicians getting tgether to see how best they can lie to the nation. They're all the same, deport the lot of them!

Mark Rotherham, Colchester, United Kingdom

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Added: Sunday, 24 September, 2006, 10:25 GMT 11:25 UK

The fact that Gordon wants to offload the management of the NHS says it all.... LABOUR CANNOT COPE!

So There, South of England, United Kingdom

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Added: Sunday, 24 September, 2006, 10:51 GMT 11:51 UK

It'll be the usual tightly-managed event which prevents people saying what they really think. As an ex-labour activist I gave up going to conference (and stopped being a member) years ago. It's all about spin and managing the media. There's no integrity left in the party now - but even as the hospital wards and A&E departments are closing they'll have you believe that it's the right thing to do and that patients won't suffer - and that's a blatant lie.

Liz Saunders, Worthing, United Kingdom

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Rainbow - what a bizarre clip!

Remember Rainbow from the early eighties. Funny or disturbing I'm not quite sure. No wonder the Generation X is a bit messed up! Before I was a cat in a past life I was a little kid that used to watch this show and even then I thought there was something decidely odd about Bungle and George.......

Oi Roly Poly theres only room for 1 liar in this street!

Shrieked Cherie after listening to Brown on the video screens..... allegedly!!!!

"Now now,children, lets not get to carried away. I think the fairest way to find out who is the finest liar of them all is to consult an impartial source. I know how about we type in the word "Liar" into the worlds finest search engine Google and see who comes up nearest the top of the rankings...... By Jiminy Cricket, would you beleive it. Type in the word liar and the top site in all the word for the site most related to Liar is the number 10 official website, its number 1 in the rankings (as of 25th Sept 2006)!!!

Yes, its hard to beleive and quite jawdropping but its a fact, now can we all type Liar into our search engines. And Cherie, please do stop flicking spit at Gordon with your flexi ruler!"
(Joking aside bizarrely this is actually true, try it, weird eh?)

A petition

We the undersigned demand that Gordon Brown when Prime Minister should wash his hair on a regular basis, to avoid sullying our nations reputation.

Racist Revving car owner spends 2 nights in the clink

Another story of a busybody on full alert for racist actions! This time a bloke was arrested after an off duty police officer accused him of revving his car in a racist manner when a muslim walked past. Well be thankful for small mercies I suppose, imagine if his car had backfired when driving past the mosque he could have been facing life!

It is just ridiculous, I think im turning into Richard Littlecat!!!! So many ridiculous pathetic stupid outragous occurences its gravely serious! What next,

Jones I am sending you down for 5 years, off duty officer WPC Ramsbottom please explain....

" Well its like this m'lord innit, this geezer sat next down on the bus and let one rip, it was a humdinger it reeked, but the fing is he dun it towards a woman in Burqua, it was well racialist, I reckon he meant serious harm. In my expert opinion he was committing racial genocide and deserves noffin less than a couple of years, min like......chew of the gum, chew of the gum.....

FULL STORY

Roll up Roll up, come an buy your cans of shit, at bargain prices!

Well, ok £23,000 for a few cans of shit might seem a bit expensive, but trust me we supply to some of the finest art galleries around the world, such as the Tate Modern.

Famed and much loved artists like Beryl Cook can't get any of their stuff in there but we sold a few cans of our shit to the muppet who runs the place not so long ago.

Well, as they say - where theres muck their is brass. Now you will excuse me while I go for a crap won't you....after all time is money!!!!!

Why does the Tate like a can of faeces better than our Beryl, ask painter's fans
Telegraph story

A strange tale of British "Justice"

A man has been convicted of a crime against an unknown victim, with the key witness not being 100% sure of her evidence. Before the accused got to stand in the dock the local police force presented the witness with a community safety volunteer of the year award before the case even was resolved.

The trial took place in Swansea after Lydia Rees claims she saw Robert McGlynn (a bnp member) shout racial abuse at an Asian woman, (the asian lady is unknown as no complaint was made by herself and she has never came forward)

Rees told the court: "He was shouting. To me it appeared that he was being venomous. His face appeared quite contorted." (ed- note the word appeared said twice)


She added: "But I could not swear to the words I did hear."
(ed - er, didn't you have to say I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me god. If you can't swear on it, whats that supposed to mean, he could have said anything, perhaps he even shouted, wow, your a babe can I buy you a drink, or even just shouted out his lottery numbers)

The magistrates decided this overwhelming!!?? evidence was " compelling". And gave him a criminal record.

This cat wants to know is this the court where a 19 year old has made it onto the bench, because if this can be described as compelling evidence we all should be very worried!

BBC STORY

John Reids speech to muslims ......

seems to be going down like a lead balloon.

A very British Coup

As Thailand awakes to a military coup it is worth remembering that the last Labour PM , Harold Wilson worried that he himself might be subject to a coup. Wilson was suspected by the establishment of being a communist, which during the cold war was about the equivalent of having an Islamic fundamentalist in power today. Rumours were circulating that the army and secret services were involved and that the Royal Family approved.


With mass immigration on an unheard of scale, 70% of our lawmaking passed over to Brussels bureaucats, all sorts of sleazy accusations like cash peerages perhaps sending half our army overseas was a bit of an insurance policy by Wilsons successor?!



More on the Harold Wilson Coup Plot

Chips Channon

I've been reading Chips Channon Diaries (Yes Dead Cats can Read!). He was a Tory MP for Southend during the 30s and 40s. He was part of "society" and often had lunch with Winston and King Edward. His life was one social whirl of glamourous parties and lunches. Its a great read for anyone interested in UK politics or history. The great thing with a diary is that it really does take you back to that era with no hindsight or agendas, just how life was viewed at that time.

I came across Chips when reading the Alan Clark diaries, another great read! He kept mentioning Chips's diaries so I had to hunt them down.

One thing that stood out was the amount of nice food he ate during the war! Here was me thinking they were all surviving on rations, obviously the upper classes had access to nicer stuff, although he did complain about having rabbit a bit to much.

And what would he made of the modern day conservatives. I'm sure he would have been aghast at the fact the leader of the party cycles to Westminster (ok, with a car following him), WHAT NO BENTLEY!!!!

Feline watched?

Middlesborough has gone one step closer to a complete big brother society. Some of their CCTV cameras have been fitted with loud speakers so Big Brother can bark orders at the citizens, just like in Big Brother on TV. perhaps the sinister aim of this show was to get the population used to this method of social control.

Naughty residents dropping a used ciggie or riding their bike in a pedestrian area are given firm orders over the loud hailers to correct their mistakes.

Now in a society that cherished freedom, there would be an uprising with the yokels demanding the removal of soviet style totalitarian methods, but alas the sheeple are easily herded these days and at most might muster a few pathetic bleats. Our war time generation who gave the ultimate sacrifice in defence of our ancient liberties and freedoms must be spinning in their graves.

STORY

Brighton international festival of custard

Adorned in their finest yellow ties, yellow waistcoats and yellow frocks the annual gathering of the custard society is underway. Today it appears they are offering cash prizes to regions that recruit more woman and people who arent white into their club. Custard diversity is top of the agenda!
STORY

Colonel Custard gave a speech to an echoey hall yesterday, which went down like lumpy semolina. The yellows vow to ban cars and ditch the pound at their earliest convenience and also let out of jail as many prisoners as possible, no-one should have to put up with awful prison custard they cry!

Rumours are circulating that someone spiked the sherry trifle with whisky at last nights daft pudding ball, lets hope the culprit gets their just desserts!

Booted out of no. 10, he runs to a phone box &........

SUPOOOOO BLAIIIRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr MacShane said: "Most ex-prime ministers sink into obscurity or just go around repeating their old speeches. But Blair has more ambitious plans."

Save us, Save us !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FULL STORY

The Blair Academy of Spin

Paper reports Blair wants to open a school of government......

"Ah greetings new students. I am pleased you have opted to pay to study for a certificate in the art of spin. After all I have a big mortgage to pay - Guffaw, chortle, I am sure you will be happy here at my academy. I'm a regular kinda guy, despite being a past PM I like to get involved. I like to get out my guitar in lectures sometimes, just you know to put everyone at ease. So, I suppose you wanna know what you'll be studying.....well modules include - How to go to war despite million man protest marches, the teflon approach to governance, how to avoid backstabbing rivals and also how to get into government when only 22% of the voting public vote for your party. Oh, one last thing, Proffessor Hewitt will be the stand in lecturer, as i'm often in America on business"


Full Story

Oriana Fallaci Dies

News comes in that Oriana Fallaci, a famed journalist and critic of Islam has died. Life is full of strange coincedences and this must be one of them. The main news of the day is of Pope Benedict's speech which refered to Islam that has not gone down to well in the muslim world. (out come the protests - Burning of home made flags using colouring pens and a pair of cousins bloomers, chanting, much punching of air, snarly faces etc etc.)

She was charged with denigrating Islam in Italy and was due to go to court despite her book 'The rage and the pride' selling over a million copies in her home country. Of all the days to die she chose the day the Pope is hounded for a speech on Islam. It is a bit like the perfect storm, which no doubt will mean whoever inherits royalties from her book will be in for a big fat pay cheque soon. This is the last paragraph from the Times obituary -


"Oriana Fallaci was short of stature and always elegantly, even severely dressed. She lived in spartan fashion, working slowly and rather obsessively, her only vice being cigarettes. Though an atheist, she was an admirer of the present Pope, who she liked to think shared her concerns about Islam. "

Full Obit

Tories choose an oak tree as their new symbol.

And how many Oaks were felled by the last Tory governments mass road building programme? Next we'll be told George Osbourne was actually down the hole with swampy at the Newbury Bypass and Dave C was often camping out in the branches of Oaks in the path of bulldozers.

I reckon a better symbol might have been a cappuchino cup or perhaps the outline of a man in a suit without a tie?

Claire Short Joins Lib Dems

Well, perhaps not but I can just see it. Giving the vees to Tone from across the chamber.

Tally Ho me ol China!

I've heard a drag hunt is planned by a group of foxhunters in Hyde Park. This will be the first time a hunt has taken place in London for many a year. And going back further apparently So, Ho! is the call that would go up when hunting for Deer on what was then the outskirts of the city. Isn't our history just great, its a shame the current lot in power think history began in 1997.

I'm all in favour of hunting vermin foxes, they give me nothing but fleas when I was alive. Remember, one was holed up under a portacabin near number 10 a few years back. Being a great hunter of mice, I can sympathise with my fellow hunters. Perhaps someone should warn red ken so he can stay away, wouldnt want the sly fox being chased down Piccadily with a pack of hounds biting at his ankles....mmmm....then again..........
Story

With friends like these.........

who needs enemies! All of a sudden the meek chancellor who plunged a blunt butter knife into blairs bum cheek instead of a machete to the spinal cord declares Tony is a good mate, always has been always will be.

Excuse me while i throw up a furball!

Story

How unamused do I look!!!

Came across the this photie of when I was alive (Im a ghost cat now residing in the corridors of power) Look at me, I'm frozen in terror at being held by the Mouth of the Mersey!!! (By jingo isn't she svelte compared to more recent snaps!)

Farage comes roaring out the garage

A bit like toad of Toad hall, Farage, a firm believer in the strategy of flash/quirky/vintage motors being good for drumming up votes at by elections has came in at poll position in the UKIP leadership elections. I'm not expecting him around here anytime soon but he's got to be an improvement on what they had, a failed tory MP with about as much charisma as mouldy flea ridden road kill. In fact TB has probably more charisma in a little toe clipping than Reginald Crapman or whatever he was called had in his whole body.

Protest nothing to crow about

Perma angry Bob Crow carried out his walk out, a few stragglers went with him out of the TUC congress hall as Blair began to speak. It was so lame, it will be remembered as the Bob Cratchet protest.

Whats happened with this country, people can't even protest properly these mild autotron days. Surely it would have been better if had snuk a loud speaker in and everything Blair said that was rubbish, he could have crowed a response with rousing applause and hearty laughter from the galleries, i give the walkout 1/10

A trade union question?

Why do you support mass migration from Bulgaria and Romania, in what way will this assist union members on the minimum wage? Will this make it more likely big bosses will give them a pay rise?

Grevious Bodily is moving in!!!!

You might have read that GB is moving into the flat in No 10 imminently. The Blairs actually live in the flat in No 11 as they have a sizable brood and that flat is more spacious.

They've already been in with wallpaper cuttings, fabric samples and some weird contraption (perhaps a kilt straightener?)

Well, this place is made of bricks and with the Iron Chancellor and Nickel Grin Blair both mooching about the corridors sparks will surely FLy. I hope this place has good fire insurance!

On a lighter note...

In todays paper it reports that David Beckham is having a £300,000 maze planted in his garden......So, we won't be seeing him again then.

Is there more than one fibber living in this street?

As the resident ghost cat of Downing Street, it's a question I have to ask. "Is there more than one fibber living in this street?" The reason I ask is because in todays press we are told by Mr Grevious Bodily that he knew nothing of the plots, a mere innocent bystander was he.

One of the coup generals even visited Grevious Bodily up in Scotland the day before the attempted putsch, but tells the world that only the price of disposable nappies at Tesco and how tasty Rusks are with a cuppa were discussed. The fact he was planning to resign the next day in support of GB just never came up in conversation.

Ha Ha yeah right pull the other one!!!!! Only people with the IQ of an earthworm could believe such rot.

In the mauve corner & In the lavender corner!!!!

In the Mauve Corner we have Jabba the Hut and in the Lavender corner the smiling Assasin. Seconds out round 1.


And Jabba slugs him! Yes the smiling assasin looks dazed, he doesn't know whats hit him, he looks like it could be a knockout..................

But look at this the Smiling Assasin seems to have shook off the blow and has landed a few sharp jabs to the Jabbas Jaw. The Jabba all of a sudden looks a lot more vunerable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The two are standing back weighing each other up, its beginning to look like this could be one mean scrap, a fight to the finish!!!! And look at Smiling Assasins gobby bird at the ringside, shouting and screaming at her husband to kick the f**** daylights out of the battleship bruiser.....!!!!

Smell the coffee!

The BBC have your say section has a clever aspect whereby instead of looking at comments in date order, you can view in most popular order as voted by readers. Here are the top comments. Not exactly a crowd screaming for an encore left begging for one last tune that he just wont give is it?


Added: Wednesday, 6 September, 2006, 09:33 GMT 10:33 UK
When the day finally arrives, will it be a Public Holiday? I'm sure there's millions waiting to celebrate.
Andy, London
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Added: Wednesday, 6 September, 2006, 10:19 GMT 11:19 UK
Tony Blair to appear on Blue Peter in his farewell tour? I can see it now...."here's a country I ruined earlier...."
Mark Tolley, Redditch, United Kingdom
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Added: Wednesday, 6 September, 2006, 09:39 GMT 10:39 UK
I’m sure he’ll spend his remaining days in office the same way he’s spent most of them, fighting against reality to maintain personal delusions of grandeur.As for his ‘farewell tour’ if he wants to be greeted by a jubilant and grateful seeming nation than the labour spin doctors better have ‘rent-a-crowd’ ready wherever he goes, and clear out the real people before his arrival. Imagine what it would do to his poor little ego if he had to face up to what we really think of him.
Horwood Beer-Master, Keele University, United Kingdom
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Added: Wednesday, 6 September, 2006, 12:45 GMT 13:45 UK
Some of the goverments achievments:1. An NHS that will not even xray a broken arm. - Personal Experience2. School leavers with a's and b's in maths and english that cannot do basic maths or spell. - Personal Experience.3. Household bill's that are out of control. eg. Energy Inflation that is well about the 3.5% inflation. Council tax well above 3.5% inflation.4. Personal household debt at record highs.5. Forms and documents from government departments you have to be a lawyer to understand.A shame they restrict you to 700 letters. I could go on all day.While no goverment is perfect I would just like one that actaully produces results and not spin
Jason, St. Albans
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Added: Thursday, 7 September, 2006, 14:15 GMT 15:15 UK
I no longer care when Bliar goes, just that he does and takes the rest of his party with him. Gordon "Stealth Tax" Brown is so totally arrogant to believe that he should be PM, especially as he has done so much to bring his "boss" down and wrecked so much of this country himself.Get lost Bliar, get lost Brown, get lost Prescott, get lost Labour. We need a general election as soon as possible.
Tim Walker, London
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Added: Wednesday, 6 September, 2006, 09:20 GMT 10:20 UK
His final month will be no different from the last 120, full off deception, empty promises, tough talk and no action. He should indeed go on a farewell tour and take full note of the damage and despair that he and his lame duck shambles of a government have inflicted on this country. Goodbye and good ridance cannot come soon enough.
John, Derbyshire
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Added: Wednesday, 6 September, 2006, 09:03 GMT 10:03 UK
Hopefully as uncomfortable as the past year has been for the 75%+ of us who did not vote Labour in the '05 election.
[holmdps], Expat, Europe
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Added: Wednesday, 6 September, 2006, 10:19 GMT 11:19 UK
Tony Blair - your country needs you ... TO GO NOW AND TO TAKE YOUR CRONIES WITH YOU!!!!!!
Joanne, Ashford
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Added: Wednesday, 6 September, 2006, 12:44 GMT 13:44 UK
He led us into a war in Iraq on the weakest of evidence and then effectively said the end justifies the means. He said before being elected he did not want to live in a country where old people had to sell their homes to pay for nursing homes - now become the norm. He attempts to jump on every bandwagon going to seek to increase his own popularity. He said they would not introduce university fees - and they have. He said they would be cleaner than clean - and the excesses of his former ministers and present deputy demonstrate this is not true.
Denis Edgar-Nevill, Canterbury, United Kingdom
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Added: Wednesday, 6 September, 2006, 10:25 GMT 11:25 UK
Quite frankly does anyone care what Tony Blair will do next? We don't believe a word he says so it doesn't really matter what he does - as long as his departure is soon!
Bill, Polegate, Sussex
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David Cameron - A true politician

How about this for typical say one thing do another hypocrisy by a politician. The leader of the opposition is currently on a jaunt to India, there he made a speech decrying the dangers of globalisation.

There are depressed towns in the UK "where the winds of globalisation feel like a chilling blast, not an invigorating breeze", he said.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5318636.stm

Then the next day he is opening up a huge new factory in India for a UK based tractor company, with a spot on his head and draped in Dahlias.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5312094.stm


What about those depressed towns in the UK he referred to, could they not be in need of a tractor factory - oh of course wages are dirt cheap in India. In the style of "Let them eat Cake", this is like saying "A chilling blast, let them wear ear muffins"
No wonder the British people can no longer take politicians seriously!

A rabbit mauled by a set of foxes

The house has a whiff of panic about it, quiet but jumpy and brittle. We shall see........ Sun 3rd


Well, we did see didn't we, today Monsieur Prime Minister looked like a Rabbit frozen in the headlights only a day after being attacked by a set of mange ridden foxes. Politics isn't it just the pits. Surely in normal society either of the following would have occured.

1. Blair would have said "oi you W**** stop causing trouble, your Fired, Im the Govenor round here"

or

2. Brown would have said "Oi you W**** I'm sick of you, heres my resignation and by the way I'm going to ensure your fired and I replace you.

But no, just a smudge of spun words, vagueness, slyness etc etc. Just so predictable.

Every drama needs a theme tune, & this is purrrfect.

Lancing the Boil

A messy business, boil lancing. This is like watching a stubborn huge zit being squeezed. Will the spot explode dramatically? Or is it one of those that no matter hard you squeeze it just wont go?

Its looking more and more likely the zit is going to go SPLAT sooner rather than later.

Operation St Anthony!

Gawdzooks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Todays press is a buzz with rumours of letters circulating asking the PM to commit Hari Kari, sling his hook and to right royally efforff. Hilariously a leak of a document was realeased which was an action plan to make Anthony Blair made into a saint before he leaves. Appearances on Songs of Praise, celebrating the triumph of Blairism. From up high the angel Gabriel will appear and the mood music will be harp with a hint of electric guitar. Each new born will be given a silver goblet, a gift from the great leader. On exit from Downing Street vast crowds will gather and wail in grief at the thought of life without the great man in power. A vast Welsh male voice choir will gather on the banks of the Thames as Cherie and Tone float down the river draped in flowery garlands waving to the swelling crowds on the banksides.

Church bells will ring in celebration of his superb policies across the land and a multi faith thanksgiving will take place in St Pauls Cathedral. The last act of his rule will be to officially open the new statue on top of Nelsons column of himself as hordes of grateful lady Blairites toss the statue of Nelson, a symbol of colonialism and sexism into a smelting pot. The melted copper will be made into thousands of trendy bangles which will be sold with the profits going to the Bliar Foundation for Political Correctness.

The famous Blair Spin Doctors have excelled themselves, saving their best spin operation till last. Any concept of reality has evaporated......................

Where has old Humphrey been you ask?

Well I was down in the cellar when I heard a Scouse, yes thats a scouse not a mouse, this was a few weeks back, well it was you know who, she shrieked with laughter for some unknown reason and slammed the bloomin door. I wasn't to worried at first being a ghost and all that I thought I'll just walk through it...Well, I discovered that even a ghost can't get through bomb proofed doors. So I was trapped with bugger all to do in the pitch black while they were larging it up in the Caribbean. Only this morning was the door re-opened and as I type I wonder is this the last days of the Blair Dynasty. The house has a whiff of panic about it, quiet but jumpy and brittle. We shall see........

Right on Dave off to India

News is coming in that Call me Dave has jetted of to the Sub continent after enrolling on a snake charming course. He decided to do the course after reading snakes are quite common in the world of politics. Transfixing them with a flute could be an 'alternative, ethical, and more politically correct method of keeping them in check without ostracising them from their community which could deny them of social justice, human rights and opportunities to be rehabilitated'.

Well, have fun (whos paying for this jaunt - surely not the takings from Tunbridge Wells Conservative Clubs annual flower festival!) and beware of catching a Delhi Belly or falling down the black hole of Calcutta.