The cat took a nap (and never woke up)
Hello Readers!
First of all let me introduce myself, I am the ghost of Humphrey the Cat, Ex Chief mouser to the cabinet office. I was first employed by number 10 after being found wondering the streets of London, in 1988. I won't divulge in my life prior to number 10 yet as it just is to stressful to talk about. I began work under Thatcher the rat catcher, although it wasn't long before their was tears in the snortorinos of Gin, as Margaret was crushed under the weight of traitors and forced from office.
A nice smily chap by the name of Major was the next person to move in to the mouse infested Georgian property we call 10 Downing Street. I was most taken by his wife, Norma. She was ever so good to me, feeding me with treats and waving at me in the corridors and would sing 'Here PUSS PUSS'.
Then after hundreds of kills to my name, in 1997 the Majors were booted out for a new 'dawn' under the New Labour Party. Boy,was it a new dawn for me, or should that be dusk! No sooner had the Majors packed up their tea chests there was this big mouthed scouser giving out the orders. I thought she was the new PM, the way she was bossing people around, I was quite shocked when a tea lady pointed out that in fact the new PM was a young chap with a boyish face standing in the corner of the room with a big grin on his face. I remember thinking at the time ..'mm, can I trust this man?'
There was mutterings - the hairs, its dirty, he's always got a bloody dead mouse in his gob, we have to get rid of him. So they did, one minute Chief Mouser to the Cabinet, the next suburban cat on top of a window sill in South London. The heartbreak, I tell you....... Well the next few years were ok, I was looked after by such a nice couple. It was a nice end to my years as a cat.
Then one day I awoke as normal, stood up and looked at the floor and I was still lying there on the carpet. Strange I thought, thats me... I looked at myself in the mirror, I was a transparent shade of blue. I looked like a ghost. CRIKEY!! I was, I was a bloomin ghost, a ghost cat and me on the carpet was a dead lump of fur, decaying meat and bones. After the initial shock, I quite liked the idea. But haunting this suburban house will be a bore, I then thought of a house much more interesting to haunt, my old haunt NO 10.
I zipped across London on top of a black Taxi, and was soon back in the corridors of power. It was still early morning, and I got a glimpse of Cherie, this lot have aged since I was last here, and the atmosphere is most different. And the mice, my god they're everywhere. Standards have slipped. So...I hear you ask how on earth does the ghost of a cat manage to write a blog, well its simple I use any of the spare computers in the building, just tap away with my paws. No-one can see me at it. I can also imagine your asking 'how on earth can you read and write?' Well I was a bright cat and learned to read white papers that were on top of Margarets Red Case. It was a synch.
So what am I to write about in my blog, well there are plenty of good bloggers out there already such as guido at http://5thnovember.blogspot.com/ providing loads of juicy info, so I'll leave that to the experts. No my blog will just be my miaowings on the state of the country, the role of Jade Goody in defeating global warming etc. I'm a stickler for democracy though and anyone messing with it will definately be pounced on. So until the next blog, miaowbye
First of all let me introduce myself, I am the ghost of Humphrey the Cat, Ex Chief mouser to the cabinet office. I was first employed by number 10 after being found wondering the streets of London, in 1988. I won't divulge in my life prior to number 10 yet as it just is to stressful to talk about. I began work under Thatcher the rat catcher, although it wasn't long before their was tears in the snortorinos of Gin, as Margaret was crushed under the weight of traitors and forced from office.
A nice smily chap by the name of Major was the next person to move in to the mouse infested Georgian property we call 10 Downing Street. I was most taken by his wife, Norma. She was ever so good to me, feeding me with treats and waving at me in the corridors and would sing 'Here PUSS PUSS'.
Then after hundreds of kills to my name, in 1997 the Majors were booted out for a new 'dawn' under the New Labour Party. Boy,was it a new dawn for me, or should that be dusk! No sooner had the Majors packed up their tea chests there was this big mouthed scouser giving out the orders. I thought she was the new PM, the way she was bossing people around, I was quite shocked when a tea lady pointed out that in fact the new PM was a young chap with a boyish face standing in the corner of the room with a big grin on his face. I remember thinking at the time ..'mm, can I trust this man?'
There was mutterings - the hairs, its dirty, he's always got a bloody dead mouse in his gob, we have to get rid of him. So they did, one minute Chief Mouser to the Cabinet, the next suburban cat on top of a window sill in South London. The heartbreak, I tell you....... Well the next few years were ok, I was looked after by such a nice couple. It was a nice end to my years as a cat.
Then one day I awoke as normal, stood up and looked at the floor and I was still lying there on the carpet. Strange I thought, thats me... I looked at myself in the mirror, I was a transparent shade of blue. I looked like a ghost. CRIKEY!! I was, I was a bloomin ghost, a ghost cat and me on the carpet was a dead lump of fur, decaying meat and bones. After the initial shock, I quite liked the idea. But haunting this suburban house will be a bore, I then thought of a house much more interesting to haunt, my old haunt NO 10.
I zipped across London on top of a black Taxi, and was soon back in the corridors of power. It was still early morning, and I got a glimpse of Cherie, this lot have aged since I was last here, and the atmosphere is most different. And the mice, my god they're everywhere. Standards have slipped. So...I hear you ask how on earth does the ghost of a cat manage to write a blog, well its simple I use any of the spare computers in the building, just tap away with my paws. No-one can see me at it. I can also imagine your asking 'how on earth can you read and write?' Well I was a bright cat and learned to read white papers that were on top of Margarets Red Case. It was a synch.
So what am I to write about in my blog, well there are plenty of good bloggers out there already such as guido at http://5thnovember.blogspot.com/ providing loads of juicy info, so I'll leave that to the experts. No my blog will just be my miaowings on the state of the country, the role of Jade Goody in defeating global warming etc. I'm a stickler for democracy though and anyone messing with it will definately be pounced on. So until the next blog, miaowbye
posted by n at 7:57 AM
2 Comments:
http://parkingattendant.blogspot.com/2006/07/humphreys-ghost.html
Humphrey, you've been seen. What were you up to?
Regards
Bull
About as funny as woodworm in a cripple's crutch. I'd leave it to Guido if I were you. He may be an an annoying prat, but at least he's entertaining....
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